What I learned last weekend...

Harley's mom has started having a Halloween party each year.  This was last Saturday night.  Harley and I dressed up as Richard Simmons and his trainee.  Not sure how much you can tell by the picture, but I had added a few pounds.  I was wearing a 40DD bra that had at least a 1/2 roll of toilet paper stuffed in each side, a towel duct taped to my rear, one rolled and taped under my boobs, and a bigger one rolled and taped below that, another towel rolled and taped to my lower back, plus multiple layers of sweats.  The pink top I was wearing was a 2X to give you an idea of what size I was.  There were quite a few people there, probably 95% were dressed up, so it was lots of fun.

What I am about to write may offend some, but I really hope it does not, these are my thoughts and realizations after the fact, but none meant to insult, hurt, or in any way act like I am a voice for women everywhere.  These are my thoughts.........

What I learned this weekend:

• Big boobs aren't so great.  -I was wearing a 40DD, each time I moved my arms, my inner arm would rub against the side of my pretend boobs, it was driving me nuts!  Definitely would not want a pair 40 DD's.  
• Having "rolls" around my waist limited my range of motion. -Harley had to adjust my inner pants leg and tie my tennis shoes for me because I could not bend over to do it.
• Having a roll on my back prevented me from sitting in the truck comfortably.  -In fact because of how I had to sit it caused me to have car sickness and develop a slight headache.  (All I can figure here is the angle I was sitting at because of my back roll caused my neck to be a a funny angle)
• My tummy became a prop.  -Several times during the evening whether sitting or standing I found myself crossing my arms over my tummy.  I am not sure if it was just comfortable or because I was slightly insecure about it.
• My face became more animated or more important. - I normally smile a bland smile when I take pictures, but I found myself really amping up my smile and facial features all evening.  Because I was acting out a part of the 80's, I had dolled up the makeup very bright, and I found myself noticing how others had a very good knack for makeup, really bringing out their faces.
• And to top it off, I was COMPLETELY aware of all the "smaller" women in the room.  - My attention was drawn to the smaller, cuter, women.  I felt a little ill at ease around them. 

On a slightly different note, I decided to make my re feed day Saturday instead of Sunday, needless to say that will not happen again because I learned I can not control myself after a cheat on Saturday I want it to continue it on Sunday.....not good!

While walking in Wal-Mart (past a rose display), I realized that LOVE that is expressed differently than the traditional way (ie. buying roses, etc...) is very endearing to me.  Harley rarely buys me flowers, etc...., but the things he says and does mean the world to me.  He has shown me a whole new side of what it means to truly love someone and for it to be something you both have to work at.  Over and over this weekend, he showed me he does love me and I realize I prefer his version to any other's version (ie. buying a woman roses because it requires no effort.)

At the end of the weekend I knew a few more things about myself than when the weekend started. 
One, I do not want to ever let myself get "bigger".  I was uncomfortable in my "skin", self conscious, and very glad at the end of the night I could easily "shed" my pounds.  It really makes me want to do even more for any who wants help losing their weight.  I will not say I understand where they are coming from, because I am quite positive I do not, but I would love to see them "shed" their unwanted weight if that is their true desire. 
Two, I do not have as much control as I like to think I do.  Yes, I can maintain a strict diet as long as everything is planned out, but if I change up my "days" without fully thinking it through, I WILL mess it up.
Three, Harley is so dear to me.  He completes a part of me on a very deep level.  And for all that I think I teach him, he teaches me right back. 

Have a great week guys!